And the No's Have It

We live in DC, surrounded by the political forces that be. The current climate is - well - a little fussy, at best, with lots of talk and little action. Benjamin is far too young to reasonably be involved, but I hope that he evolves into a person who cares about our country and our goals as a nation. He does point to the television and say "Bama" but that is the stretch of his political knowledge. It's a start. I guess here at home I'm really starting to feel like a member of Congress. I say "let's do this because it is the best choice for most of us" and Ben thinks otherwise. He votes no. Well - he doesn't really vote, but you know, if he had a vote, it would be no. Could he be a Republican?? Come on, I couldn't resist...

I spend a significant amount of energy trying to keep the word NO out of my vocabulary. It just feels so final and unkind to constantly say that to little people. We say a lot of STOP, let's NOT do that, there is actually NO jumping on the sofa - - but we don't say NO with finality and charge, unless he is heading for serious trouble, like the street or a fire. I thought by doing so I would escape the constant barrage of no's that parents are plagued with on a daily basis. Fat chance. Benjamin has found his NO. It is usually quiet, and spoken sweetly, but it is there, rearing its ugly head. Let's call this little poem "A No For All Seasons"....enjoy -

"Benji? Can you please finish this bite of food?"
"No"
"Benjamin - let's go upstairs for a diaper change..."
"No"
"Benjamin. Can you please hand that sharp stick to Mama?"
"No, no."
"Ben. It is time to leave the park. We've been here for 2 hours. Let' go home for lunch."
"No, no, no!"

It is cute sometimes. It is pretty funny when he says no to others. It is no longer a mystery why other parents laugh when they hear that Benjamin is turning two soon. Once he says no, then the negotiating and repetition starts. And I find that I am significantly more patient at 10AM than at 5PM...tell me no in the morning and I'll smile and say "ok - we need to go get a diaper change and we'll sing a song on the way upstairs so you forget that you said no to me." But tell me no near dinner time and I'll say "Too bad curly. Let's go." At least I'm too the point. We all know that just one little vote of "no" in the household means that we all must readjust, or suffer the consequences. Most of the time, we can head off any further argument by negotiating or sweetening the deal, or handing him something else to do. Once in awhile - no deal folks. We are heading to Defcon 4 no matter what. I think that in order to balance the power, someone on the household committee gave Benji TWO votes, while Kevin and I each only have one, so, best case scenario, we hit a tie.

He is finding his voice and putting it out there that he is capable of deciding for himself what he wants to do and when he wants to do it. I am fundamentally cool with that. This phase we are experiencing just gives me the opportunity to become a world class negotiator. I can do that. I can also pick up a screaming child and stuff him in the car, his "no's" trailing behind us for the benefit of distant onlookers in need of a scream to set their minds at ease. Either way, we'll get through it. And just so my Republican friends (yes - I have many - relax) are not offended, I don't mind at all if his political views are counter to my own. I think if I can help him come to understand that using "no" is important because it defines our needs, our desires, and our boundaries, then I'm serving him better than simply dictating to him when he should be saying "yes". He'll get around to "yes" when he is good and ready. When will that day come? Maybe we should all vote on it.

(Videos for this posting: Ben trying out the new shoes that Auntie Joyce brought him - he discovered they light up and hasn't stopped jumping since; Ben experiencing the tunnel slide at the neighborhood park. He always says "hi" when he gets to the bottom, whether I am standing there or not.)