Falling in Love Again

We have terrible traffic. We have crime. We have a football team that leaves us needing a drink. We have humidity, mosquitoes, ridiculous housing prices, and attitude. BUT, we have the most beautiful fall. It is such a wonderful time of year and it helps us forget about all of the negatives that accompany life in the Washington area. Fall has its downside too - we will have nine billion leaves to rake up for the next 6 weekends, but overall, it is quite lovely. This fall in particular has been astounding because we are the proud parents of something very new - a STUDENT. Yes- Benjamin started school. Preschool, for the very smallest among us, at a local synagogue. At the end of the summer I decided that it was time to start the official search for a school. Someplace clean and kind, creative and cheerful, diverse, and close enough to run to if needed, but far enough away to prevent constant drive-bys and peeks in the window. I stumbled upon Beth-El and immediately stopped my search because it just "felt" like a good match. I happily handed over my check and realized that life was never going to be the same. Three days a week for half of the day, my baby boy would be with strangers, away from our home, out of our reach. Wait, you said I can shower in peace? Sign me up.

Our first day of school was a little rough, though we had prepared. I found a library book called "They Come Back" that illustrates different scenarios when parents might leave and come back, including school. We read all about Elmo's first day of school and pointed out the fun stuff there is to do with friends. He helped me pack his lunch (sticker included) and picked out what he wanted to wear. We talked every day about school and how Benji was a big boy and he would be going to school very soon. All set, right? We trotted merrily through the parking lot that first day and entered the building....and then it hit him. "Up" he proclaimed innocently. He wouldn't walk another inch. "UP!" Before I could reach to get him, another little one came in the door behind us, tears streaming down his face. That did it. Ben started to cry. No amount of soothing helped. I walked into his classroom, where we met the instigator of tears, and didn't know what to do. The teachers were great. They gave me options but basically said that what works best is walking away. What? You expect me to walk away? So I did. And I could hear him wailing as I left the building. And I could see him crying at the window when I walked to the car and waved bye. And I got to my car and cried, too. People warned me. You will cry, they said. And I did. I was mad at myself for walking away. I was worried about his little spirit and his ability to understand that I was not leaving him forever. I was sad that when I looked in the rear view mirror, his grubby little car seat was empty. One morning you are together at the park; the next you are miles apart. Don't be dramatic, right? Well, this is my blog and I'm allowed to be dramatic....

A month later, we are all just fine. Benji was a bit tearful for that first week but now looks forward to school. I ask him what he did at school and he loudly proclaims "Eat!" Apparently, he wolfs down his graham crackers and juice. On Fridays, I meet him in the synagogue for a little musical Shabbat service and the whole way home he says "Mama back. Shabbat. Bye school. Bye Shabbat. Mama back." He is laughing and talking and listening more intently to stories and by all accounts, simply thriving. So am I. I grocery shop and visit my favorite craft stores. I work in the yard and clean the house. I have an independent thought between the hours of 9:15 and noon. And, yes, I shower....usually. Strangely enough, I dearly miss his company. He is a funny little character these days, with words for just about everything. And I think I miss that running commentary. More often than not, I pick him up from school and want to share with him what Mama did - she saw your favorite windmill or she visited Mrs. Iris at the grocery store. I guess that is what happens when you become a parent. Whether you like it or not, you are sharing your life with another little person. And when you don't have that opportunity, there is a sense of loss. I guess falling in love is the way I'd describe my new sense of parenthood these days. I pick him up from school and I see that little grin and I'm tackled by a bear hug. It melts my heart to know that I was missed and loved, even for just that moment. Parenting definitely has a downside (see previous blog postings for reminders), but that happy reunion on Monday, Wednesday and Friday are worth more than I thought imaginable. Lots of love to Benji, this fall and many more to come.

No videos this time. But shortly you will be rewarded with Halloween pictures and fun. I would apologize again for being so late with this posting but I'm a little busy over here people....the shower is calling!